Parenting Routines that Work.

We all have routines in our life, even if it's putting the bins out on Tuesday and drinking tea for breakfast. This gives our life structure and makes us feel secure, even if we don't realise it! With the busy lives we lead today routines become essential for our sanity, this goes double for when we have children. Children like routines; they enjoy knowing what they are going to do from day to day and hour to hour. This is because it makes them feel SAFE.

Establishing a Routine.

When our baby's arrive, they turn our lives upside down and disrupt the harmony and routine of our lives. Without thinking we develop new routines to make sense of the confusion.

These routines save our sanity for a short while but sometimes we need to stop and check if these routines that we have developed are right for us and right for our baby.

When the post delivery fog has lifted and the endless streams of visitors has stopped (anywhere from 2 - 6 weeks usually). You need to stop and think about what you want.

Initially think about what has to be done.

The basics include washing and dressing yourself and baby at least once each day. (Don't laugh, for some people this is impossible). Feeding yourself and baby as needed. (This is especially important when breastfeeding - what you eat, baby eats, if you don't eat baby is miserable then you become miserable).

So decide what time you want to be washed and dressed by then stick to it. (Make this a realistic target! )
Setting yourself regular mealtimes and setting an alarm can also help (reminders on mobile phones are ideal for this). This doesn't mean baby has to have a feed but you do!

Remember that this is your life and you can do what you want with it, even with baby in tow, it just takes practice and a little compromise.

The compromise might come in the form of an afternoon sleep to make up for broken nights due to feeding. Don't underestimate the impact of broken sleep.
Even babies that are "Good Sleepers" will need to be fed during the night when they are newborn.


Do you usually have a diary for your appointments at work? Do you usually structure your day? Don't be afraid to do this now you are at home, just remember to set realistic goals, vacuuming will now take place less often and at a slower rate.
Build in space for flexibility so your "daily diary" could look something like this:

8am - breakfast.
9am - have shower/get dressed.
10am Go out.
12md Eat lunch

2pm rest.

4pm get dinner ready.
6pm bath baby
7pm put baby to bed.
8pm eat dinner

Lots of time allowed and plenty of “flexibility” time so you can slot in shopping trips and clinic appointments etc.

Also remember the "Granny Factor". If Granny pops in each day (and this includes your partners mother), ask her to help you out. For example would she mind loading the dishwasher/doing the washing up whilst you feed little Jo. Then ask her if it would be an imposition if she would "watch little Jo" whilst you have a bath/shower? This way, things get done and you both get what you need. Factor this in to your routine.

Changing Routines.  

As our babies grow from infants to toddlers routines change through necessity. Parents return to work, we move house, someone dies. Lots of things in life necessitate change.

So how do we change routines without upsetting our children?

The key is to only change one thing at a time, where possible and prepare your child for the change.

Even if your baby is only 6 weeks old and you are going away for the weekend, tell him about it.
Talk to your baby and tell him what will happen – that he will sleep in a different place. At the same time reassure him “mummy will be with you” “we’ll still have bathtime”.

If you are leaving your infant in child care, try to feel confident about it within yourself. Any anxieties you may have will be felt by your child. (This is one of the reasons why you must choose your childcare carefully). Take familiar toys and cuddlies that will remind your child of home, don’t wash them before you go, smell is very important to small children and infants, newly washed teddies don’t “smell right”. (This is also important if your child needs to go to hospital).
Tell your baby that you will be back for him and you will both go home together later. If someone else will be collecting your baby tell him who it will be. Reassure him that he will see you later.

If you need to change things for your toddler, remember to prepare her as far in advance as possible, try to make the change exciting for her. Talk to her about the positives and negatives within the change.
For example you’re moving to a new house  you might have a chat and tell her about the house move; “You are going to have a lovely new bedroom with your bed in it and your toys, your pink rug will be on the floor, you might miss the bears on the wall in this room but your new room will have ponies and fairies on the  curtains and we can paint the walls pink or yellow like the sunshine. Isn’t that exciting?”
This way your little one knows what’s going to happen and she can also be involved in decision making (only give colour options you can live with!). Show her where her new room is going to be on a visit to your new house if that’s possible.

Whilst you are making changes remember to maintain the rest of your routine as normal, bath-time, story-time, bedtime etc.

Routines and change are a normal part of living. We teach our children to walk and talk so why not teach them good habits and establish routines that work for your family now and will last throughout their lives.

For further information and advice contact Angela Isles.

 Phone 01207 570568